Hi, I’m Lucas, And I Don’t Pee Outside

Lucas Dawn’s Black & White Selfie
Image by the Author (Me)

Do not judge me, because I might be the weirdest person you’ll see on this planet — Well, Well, Well, I’m growing on Medium, so they told me to write an ‘about me’ story. But, I don’t have your daily “I quit my job” story, so I’m here with a few fun facts about me.

Let me start.

1. I Don’t Pee In Public Toilets

It’s not because boys’ toilets are not maintained properly or they’re stinky.

But, I’ve had some experiences in the past that have completely changed my perception of men.

Don’t worry. I haven’t dated any man. Although, I get offers every day on social media and at school.

They like me because they think I have a so-called ‘seductive’ personality. I used to call them my brothers, but all they could fantasize about is my waist.

And then, send me DM requests on Instagram.

Let me get this straight, I’m not homophobic, but if you like me and I say no, you’ve to respect my choices.

Don’t be a walking piece of shit and held me responsible for your ‘feelings’ and gaslight me.

Anyways, that’s not the reason.

While for homos, they fetishize my 35-kg ‘skinny’ body, and for heteros (guys), I intimidate them.

Because I’m good at studying, also at home, and on the internet too. I receive admiration from those who they think are their future ‘ wives.’

And that’s the reason I’d been getting passed on comments from them.

But in the toilets, it gets worse when they make direct sex-related comments about people’s bodies.

Last time, when I tried to enter the toilets, I got another comment passed on to me.

It was extremely offensive but double-meaning, so I couldn’t even report it to school.

But, these scenarios literally make me wonder if all men can think about is sex.

Even though I don’t want to dehumanize them, they act barbarically. There’re d%ck shows held in the toilets.

Seriously.

My problem isn’t with public toilets, but it’s with the kind of people who go there.

It’s more of a sexual harassment event for me than seeing a bunch of teenagers making shitty jokes.

But even if they make sex-related jokes, shouldn’t they be situational?

Why are they directed towards a person, or even a woman?

2. I’m A Selfie Addict (Somewhat)

Don’t unfollow me, please.

I love visuals and trying out different styles of self-portraits.

Here’s one picture I took last time -

Lucas Dawn’s Blurred Selfie
Image by the Author (me)

Do not tell me it doesn’t look nice. Honestly, because I don’t care. What matters is if I like it or not, because it’s my phone, my face, and my t-shirt.

Don’t worry. I don’t post them online to seek Instagram validation.

But, maybe, I don’t know if it’s a teenager thing or something else, but I look extremely hot in selfies.

I wish the same was in real life too. Lol.

But, do you want to know the secret of my hotness?

Read the next one.

3. I Can Eat Anything Without Getting Fat

Aesthetic Pizza Photo
Source

High metabolism, a curse, and a blessing — Sometimes, I wish I was normal. But, heck no. I am like my mom. Most of the people in my family from my mom’s side are cursed with a high metabolism.

And, I too.

People, including my mom, who don’t the concept of metabolism, and nutrition in the body, tell me to eat more & more.

If you read my articles, you already know that I’ve overeaten for one and half years, but still, there was no difference in my body.

One of my friends, who’s exactly opposite of me, has a very slow metabolism. He eats only a bowl of oats for breakfast and lunch from 5:00 am to 3:00 pm is still three times larger than me.

The majority of the parents in India, don’t understand what nutrition is. I eat what my parents give me.

Because I don’t know how to cook.

And they won’t teach me either.

Because boys don’t cook, right?

Mom, even when they are starving? Because you have gone outside of the town and grandma doesn’t exist anymore. Huh?

4. I Never Go Outside

Here in India, especially in cities and big towns, no one talks to their neighbor next door.

But in my case, they do. The problem is that there is a shortage of kids around my house. And it’s the area that my parents consider a ‘safe zone.’

It’s been one and a half year since we shifted to this new town. But, it still feels new.

Not to my parents, but to me. Because I’ve never explored this town. I’ve never been allowed to visit my friends or friends are not allowed to visit me either.

Because, more friends = more distractions.

My bicycle was sold last year so I won't be able to go to any of my friends' houses.

Because it’s 9th grade and board exams will be held next year in 10th grade.

I need to focus on my studies. I’m already a straight-A student, but still.

I won’t go deeper into this. But my parents are not exceptions. Every Indian parent is like that.

Marks are aeverything after all.

Because even to get admission to an okay-ish college like D.U., you need to score at least 98%.

Everyone has their parallel reality, I’ve my own.

Realistically, I’ve two options either start earning thousands of dollars to save for my ‘passion.’ Or memorize mindlessly and get a 9–5 job.

5. I See Angel Numbers 111 times A Day

Even when writing this article. See,

111 Angle Number
Image by the Author

Maybe I’m going clinically insane — But without these signs and confirmation, I would have killed myself. Really. Two years ago, this same 11-year-old kid was standing on the verge of life and death.

Lucas Dawn Under The Overcast Sky
Image by the Author (me)

I felt like I had no value, no life purpose and I deserve to be treated like shit. All because I was skinny and had a high-pitched voice.

I was called different names at school, and at home also.

Some were funny but degraded my self-worth to a walking ‘skeleton.’ Others were offensive, or at least not-so-pleasant to hear words.

But these signs from the universe gave me hope that everything will be fine.

Fine doesn’t mean I will get six-pack abs, or become the next Bill Gates.

It’s just a journey of knowing your self-worth and not taking people’s shit.

I started seeing them as soon as I started meditating — I googled them and found more about them. This made my spiritual journey even faster.

I started meditating when I was 12.

I learned how to deal with severe panic attacks and feeling suicidal through breathing exercises and mindfulness.

Panic attacks felt like you were going to die, but you don’t. But I would rather like to die than experience this again.

Finally, I learned to accept myself and be in love with who I’m physically, sexually, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.

I learned the power of stillness.

I got to see the fine beauty of life as it is.

It helped me disconnect from my daily 2-page homework, and see the bigger picture of life.

After 2 years of hard work and being referred to as many “things,” I can finally say I don’t take anyone’s shit anymore.

And, you shouldn’t either.

Because self-love comes from self, not others.

I know who I’m better than anyone else.

I look still the same. And I’m also not a millionaire. I’m also not the wisest person on the earth.

But I love myself the way I’m.

I’m beautiful, and only people with eyes can see it.

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